But We Believe…

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My grandmother passed away this week. That seems so impossible — so radically hard to grasp. I’m still trying to come to terms with the fact that it did, indeed, happen. Her house is empty…there is a stillness that is absolutely stifling. And we’re left wondering why something so tragic had to happen to such a wonderful woman. She loved God. She loved her family. But these tragedies make us wonder why we’re even here. Why would a loving God inflict such pain on a family who misses their loved one more than they can bear?

My nights are filled with the tears that just refuse to stop shedding for her. All I can focus on is the pain of it all and how I wish that I could have borne that pain for her. Watching someone die it the ultimate test of faith, I think. It was a room full of people, but she was all only with her God. In her deepest agony, she gave up her suffering and flew to the arms of her Savior.

In the world’s eye, it’s a tragedy. In the eyes of her beloved friends a family, it’s a beautiful life that ended so bitterly. But for God, it was a joyful reuniting with Him in Paradise. Now, that’s hard to understand for us finite beings, but I know it’s true. All day today, I felt absolutely surrounded by her love — as if she was in the room with me and watching little Faith play and laugh. I can feel her right now as I’m sitting “hunched” over my computer screen (something she always chided me about!).

When you think of her laughing and playing with all of those sweet babies up above, Death loses its sting. Mammaw is no more pain. All of my life, she struggled in agonizing pain — diabetes, fibromyalgia, two occurrences of cancer, and so much more. Her body was weary from the burden, but she is now light. She can run again — playing again in the great outdoors that she loved so deeply. Our lives will never be the same — our life with her is over, but for her, it is just beginning. She’s praying for us by day and night and urging us to keep on staying strong. She fought bravely to the very end.

And now, as my eyes once again fill with tears, I leave behind the powerful, timeless Sonnet X by my beloved John Donne:

 

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou thinkst thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow
And soonest our best men with thee do go
Rest of their bones and soul’s delivery.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppies or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke. Why swellst thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
 And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die!

Poem courtesy of http://www.rjgeib.com/thoughts/proud/.

What’s Our Purpose?

 

 

 

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It’s been one of those weeks. I don’t think I can get out of bed in the AM, but it’s gotta happen. My grandmother suffered a massive stroke, and my mother apparently had a heart attack at some point and is at the hospital on the same floor. What I’m feeling now is so intense, and all I can think about is how much I deeply love my family and how resolved I am to change for good.

I want more than anything to take care of my family — to truly be there for every precious minute that I possibly can. Life is so short. I’ve heard this all of my life, and it really makes sense now. It made sense before, but seeing two people whom I deeply love suffer and look so frail has completely broken me. It makes all of the stupid things that I fill my time worrying about seem ridiculously pointless.

We’re all going to have to look Jesus in the eye and account for our time. It’s a scary thought if that time wasn’t spend helping others as much as possible. By serving others, we serve our Father. I’m saying this because I’m really seeing the point of it all. That “cup of water” given to the thirsty, that kind word spoken to someone who is hurting. Lately, I’ve been overwhelmed by the precious friends who are praying for my family. Their words are like honey — they are worth more than the rarest of gems…

There’s so much more to life. There’s other people who are waiting on the divine hand of Providence to grant them peace and help in a time of trouble. I’m ready to put this into action. My upline coach always stresses the importance of developing SOLID relationships with people — helping them as much as possible. And her goal is really powerful. I’m starting to see life in a completely different sense…in terms of that cosmic question, “What are we here for?” Is it for wealth, fame, self-worth? All posh if you consider that we’re all going to account for our time spent on this earth.

Words. Actions. God says that we’ll recognize Christians by HOW they live, and this has really convicted me. I’m not going to worry about money or image anymore because I know that God is going to meet my needs if I keep the focus on doing His work. The image of Christ is success enough.

 Viewing the temporal, vulnerable state of our existence is a powerful thing. I humbly ask for prayer and that you let me know of any prayer requests. I can be reached here or at cafegirl777@gmail.com.

Here’s to hoping for a better week!

~K.